


Lionhearted

by MaevesChild



Series: SWTOR: Focus Determines Reality [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M, KotFE spoilers, Loss, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4021741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaevesChild/pseuds/MaevesChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Roar, lion of the heart, and tear me open"<br/>-Rumi</p><p>Love in parts, in war, in unexpected places.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Aric Jorgan wasn't a practical man.  Cathar men were known for being over-the-top passionate and he supposed he wasn't an exception, even if he did his best to seem controlled, controlling and in control. 

He tried, to be sure, and he was very good at convincing people he was a stone cold hard ass, but it was bullshit.  When push came to shove, he made decisions with his heart.  That didn't mean he was sentimental, but he didn't always use his head.  He joined the military because it was right and just _,_  not because it was smart.  He had something to prove; for himself, for the Cathar, for the Republic.  He was still trying to prove it.

He took the post on Ord Mantell because it was smart career-wise and that turned out to be a real shit sandwich.  Maybe that wasn't fair.  Everything would have fallen apart regardless; Tavus would have defected whether he'd been there or not.  Even so, he should have seen it coming, he should have known and the guilt weighed on him like a lead collar around his neck.  But joining HAVOC Squad, even with a demotion, was hardly the worst punishment for his blindness.  

He liked the new Lieutenant, not that he'd admit it.   Szary was smart and tough but without any of the usual backtalk he expected from Spec Ops.  She didn't defer to him, but she didn't ignore him either and that was the best you could expect from your CO.

She was easy to trust, even after what happened.

She was surprisingly forthcoming about herself and her history and even the augmentations no one could see.  Other than the access panel over her right eye, no one would have known she was a cyborg.  She was still primarily human, she explained, but an accident as a kid earned her half a titanium skull, artificial shoulder joint, humerus and scapula, as well as  part of her ribcage and one lobe of lung.  She tapped on her sternum when she explained;  _metal cage, human heart_.  She said it like it mattered.

Just a pump, a heart.  It was your brain that made the choices, even the crazy emotional ones that led to chasing off half-cocked after traitors.  Still, it was comforting that it was still the real deal.

Not practical at all.

 

* * *

 

Lieutenant.  It had a ring to it, even if she wasn't sure she was ready.

Szary was pants-shittingly thrilled about joining HAVOC Squad.  She'd kicked ass on the Outer Rim and it was about time she got to do something really important.  After the Imps shot down her transport as a kid, she swore she would take them out.  It wasn't revenge, she told herself, but protecting the innocents that couldn't protect themselves.

Her parents were not happy when she joined the military.  They were farmers.  She was supposed to be a farmer too but she was a crap farmer.  

She was good soldier.

Her posting to HAVOC Squad proved that point.  Of course, now that she knew they just took her on to do the dirty work and be cannon fodder?  She practically ground her teeth to dust in frustration.

Now there were two of them and she was the CO? How the fuck did that happen?

The Cathar was a hardass and she liked him immediately.  She'd served with a lot of them in the Rim territories and there were no fiercer soldiers out there.  She loved their passion and their unwavering loyalty.  People were people; good people were good people and fuckers were fuckers, even when they had fur or scales or horns.  

It was good to know Jorgan had her back, especially after her new squad turned out to be a bunch of dirty traitors.  Maybe she should have been more wary, but Jorgan was even more pissed off about this turn of events than she was.  Szary knew she could trust him in her bones, even the metal ones.

She wanted a CO to guide her, hone her like a knife that needed sharpening.  Instead, she got a subordinate and a mission of her own.  Thankfully, Jorgan was experienced and he gave good advice, even if technically she was in charge.

She was in fucking charge.  She was just going to look to him for guidance.  Better if he didn't know about it.  


	2. Chapter 2

However he thought he was going to feel when Tavus took a bullet, that wasn't it.

Somehow Jorgan thought it would be more satisfying, taking down the traitor and the man who firebombed his career by fucking off on his watch, but it wasn't.  It just left a weird hollow feeling behind his ribs when he looked at Tavus's crumpled body laying there.

He looked up at the Lieutenant and she was still focused on Tavus, her eyes sort of glazed over.  Maybe she felt the same way; he couldn't tell.

The others, somehow those were different.  Wraith and Gearbox? They went down fighting and snarling and afterwards it just felt like accomplishment.  Fuse was sadder, but felt justified.  He sacrificed his life for the Republic, loyal at the last.  That was gratifying, to know he saw the light in the end.

Tavus was just a broken shell of a man, cored out by a life of duty and seeming betrayal at the hands of the people he fought for.  Aric still didn't totally understand it; he'd never turn, never betray the Republic.  The damn Imps were everything he hated in the galaxy and the Republic was all that stood against them.

Still, he knew that look in Tavus's eyes before he forced them to kill him.  He knew it well.

Finally, Lieutenant Szary looked up at him, eyes so pale blue they almost looked grey.  "We did it."  She emphasised the word 'we' and smiled at him, even if it was a little sad.

_We._

He liked that part.  They were a damn fine team. 

Coruscant was the beating heart of the Republic. Taris was its sweaty ass. Nar Shaddaa was pirates and mercs and liars around every corner. Tatooine was hot and dry and desolate as death. Alderaan was cold and beautiful and deceptively violent. 

Each place he'd followed her, each one a close victory.  Each place they went, they left things better than they found them.  

It wasn't the career he'd planned.  It was better.

He liked being in charge on Ord Mantell, he wouldn't deny it, but Szary was just about the best CO he could imagine.  She was respectful of the chain of command and loyal, but smart, not just blindly following orders.  She was dedicated.  She was tough, tougher than he was. 

He could go on.

If he had to be under someone, she was the one he wanted.

Now, if he could just stop thinking about being  _under_  her for a couple minutes, that would be great.

 

* * *

 

After everything that happened, a part of her just wanted to go home.

It was stupid, of course. She loved being a soldier and she didn't stop being a soldier just because she took down a single team of traitors, no matter how much of a pain in the ass they were.

Home used to be a little farmstead with her parents bickering incessantly, on a planet where the weather was temperate and good for growing things.

She missed places like that.  They never went nice places.

Garza's team took Tavus's body away, congratulated her and she just stood there. dumbfounded.  She looked over at Aric, his green and gold eyes focused on the black vinyl body bag as they carried it away.  

She would never have managed this without him.  She wasn't sure she should tell him.  It wasn't a good idea to get too attached to anyone when you were a soldier.  It was a less good idea when he was under your command.

At least killing Tavus made her stop thinking about getting Aric actually under her for a few minutes.

When there were things to kill, fight, chase, she was okay.  Duty came first.  But there was a lot of time in between, travelling, resupplying and without the distraction, he became a terrible distraction.

It was fine, mostly, until Tatooine.  After they found those few members of the Deadeyes and shipped them off world, they went back to Anchorhead and she gave them a few days to recover.  They stayed on the ship and by relaxing, that meant cleaning sand out of blasters in the armory.

They were both out of uniform, sleeveless and chatting amicably about past missions.  Her arm brushed up against his with its fine covering of short fur and she was hit was a wave of arousal so fierce it actually shocked her.

Of all the things she thought would turn her on, that one wasn't on the list.

"Soft," she whispered under her breath.  His ears perked.

She was actually running her fingers along the outside of his forearm before she realized what the hell she was doing.  He looked over at her quizzically.

"Lieutenant?," his voice interrupted her but she didn't stop her fingertip exploration, even then.  "What are you doing?"

She snatched her hand back like he'd burned her.  

"Shit, sorry," she managed.  She bit her tongue against the words threatening to tumble out.

Aric gave her a strange almost embarrassed grin.  He looked like he was going to say something and thought better of it.

It had been a little weird ever since.  

She was glad they still had Tavus to chase.  Kept her occupied.  But now Tavus was dead and while she was certain there was plenty of work for Havoc Squad still, it would be different now. For better or for worse remained to be seen.

They went back to the Thunderclap together, heading to the fleet for R&R and once she walked through the airlock she was hit with an overwhelming feeling of rightness.

Szary glanced over at Aric.

She was already home.


	3. Chapter 3

Aric hated Tanno Vic with a passion but he couldn't deny that Vic really was the best with explosives he'd ever seen.  If he was going to stand back and let the Captain go off to blow up the Gauntlet without him at her back, he supposed Tanno would do.

This was a suicide mission, if ever he'd seen one, but if anyone could pull it off, it was his Szary.  

_Dammit._   Captain Szary after Garza promoted her.   _Not his._   In turn, she made him her XO.  

Lieutenant Jorgan again.  It felt especially good, coming from her.

"Finally back where I started," he said and sounded less grateful than he should have.  It was easier to be cold, even if he couldn't stop himself from flirting with her like an idiot with a crush whenever the opportunity presented itself.

She encouraged him too, making innuendos about cleaning her weapons and giving him too long sly looks out of the corners of her eyes.  To be honest, it was more than a crush by now, a lot more, but he really couldn't think about that.  

If she knew what she did to him, he wasn't sure if she'd be amused or horrified.

She wasn't Cathar, but that wasn't important.  The Captain was just a human with some metal parts and he'd always liked human women.

They liked him too, but it had been a while.

He thought about Hoth frequently, when they spent the night in one of those tiny domed shelters stuck in a sudden storm.  They had a heater, but it was still bitterly cold so they tangled themselves together to try to keep warm.  It wasn't sexual; they were both pretty miserable, but it felt comforting and comfortable and not strange at all to have her in his arms.

He thought about it too much, but he didn't care.  A man was allowed that much.

Before the last hyperjump to the Gauntlet, they were all assembled at the airlock, ready to storm the castle.  He and Forex would take the bridge while Szary, Yuun and Vic would do the dirty work.  

She checked her power cells before she looked at him.  A bit too long.  A bit too focused. 

"Good luck Captain," he said, desperate to say something.  Other things too, but he couldn't say them now.  "Not that you'll need it."  He tried to smile and it hurt his face.

She nodded at him and didn't even try to smile.  "You too," she said, "And no dying.  That's an order."

"Yes sir."  

What else could he say? He'd do his best, but protecting the Republic -- and the Captain --  came first.  If the mission called for a sacrifice, he would be the first to make it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She didn't like it, not having Aric at her back.  Szary was used to fighting with him; the way he moved, his tactics.  She knew what his strengths and weaknesses were and how to make the best of both.

Yuun was graceful and Tanno was useful as a battering ram, but neither of them was Aric.

He was supposed to watch her back and she was supposed to watch his.

Even so, she was the CO of Havoc Squad and they were going to blow this thing to hell, one way or the other.  She lost count of how many Imps she put down on the way, but there it was.  All the charges were set.

She called Aric on the holo and he was holding up, breathing hard. They took the bridge, but more Imps were coming.  She told him to fall back, not to worry about her.  He looked dubious but seemed to agree.  The signal cut off abruptly.   

Tanno on her heels, she tore through the blood spattered corridors, past heaps of mangled droids and towards the airlock.  Her heart hammered in her chest.  They spun around the corner, home free now.  She saw Forex first and then Dorne, crouched down over Aric, motionless on the ground.  There was a lot of blood.  A lot.

"Sergeant Dorne, report," Szary snapped, trying to swallow her heart out of her throat, hiding the fear that gripped her under a thin veneer of icy command and keeping herself stiff upright.  Her first instinct was the crouch down and protect him with her body, but no one was supposed to know how she felt about him, least of all him.

It might be too late to tell him now.

"Lieutenant Jorgan sustained major injuries Captain, but I've stabilized him."  Dorne's cool, efficient voice was surprisingly emotional.  "If Forex hadn't gotten him to me so quickly...." She shook her head.  "But he should make it."

Szary nodded.  "Come on then, let's get him and us out of here."

"Right," Tanno said from behind her.  "I have some shit to blow up."  She resisted the urge to punch his face in.  

Even the magnificent explosion, the success of the mission did little to raise her mood.  She did her best to look gratified but even the droids weren't buying it.

Waiting until 2100 hours to go check on him was agony.  Dorne had him sedated, transfused and stable.  It would take time, preferably some time recouping planetside but Dorne was confident he'd recover.  He'd likely be back on his feet in a few weeks.

She waited until Dorne was gone, sitting down on the bed beside him.  His whole body was still tense, stiff with pain even in unconsciousness.  He didn't know she was there, he couldn't possibly remember later so she took his face between her hands.  She looked at him carefully, fingers slipping against the superbly soft, velvety fur on his face and his neck.  Some of the tension relaxed and his cheekbone pressed into her palm.  She wanted him to open his eyes and look at her, but he wouldn't.  He shouldn't.

_He should._

What was she doing, pussyfooting around the Cathar like he might break if she showed real interest in him?  Fine, she was his CO, but what did it matter?  They were Spec Ops.  Things were different in the field.  This happened everyday.

She pressed her lips to his temple.  His fur smelled like disinfectant and blood but underneath, just a hint of that musty sweet musky scent she found herself so fond of when she was wrapped around him on Hoth.

She was going to tell him.

She'd save a real kiss for then.

  

* * *

 

 Aric Jorgan had a dream that a beautiful angel with the Captain's face kissed him and took away his pain.  He slept peacefully after that. 


	4. Chapter 4

Aric recovered.  He would never be the same again.

Though he was fit for duty, well enough and strong enough to do and be everything he had before, this brush with mortality changed him. When he returned to the Thunderclap and Havoc squad, Szary welcomed him back with open arms.  It made his blood pressure go up, just being near her.

He knew he couldn't put it off any longer.

Next time, he might really die and then she'd never know how important she was to him.

There was forever a line of people thanking her for her service and her deeds.  She had enough metals that she could melt them down and built a droid.  But that wasn't the same as knowing you were important to someone in specific, that you made them a better person by just existing.

She wasn't important to him because of what she did, but who she was.  What she did was just a reflection of that.

He was determined.

He managed to get her alone on the way to Belsavis, some horrible penal colony planet where Imperials and criminals would be gunning for them.  No time like the present.

She looked happy to see him though.  He didn't expect to be this nervous.

 

* * *

 

Szary was so happy to have Aric back, so she was avoiding him.  It felt awkward, that promise she made to herself, to admit how she felt.  It was rattling around in her head like a bullet loose in her gun case.  

She needed to tell him that she had feelings for him for her own sanity.  But what if she was was imagining the whole thing and suddenly Garza is on her case for harassing someone under her command?

Szary was notorious for trying to suss out all the potential ways something could go wrong.  She hadn't become a Major in the Republic army accidentally, even if there was a bit of bad luck involved.  Paranoia was part of what made her such an effective soldier.  If you could plan for all the things that might take you out of a fight or kill you, you could compensate.  

But there wasn't any way to compensate for this. She wasn't sure he even noticed.  Aric was closed lipped about so many things, so much of the time. But then he managed to get her in the armory and suddenly they were alone and he was just looking at her expectantly.

She managed not to fidget. 

"You're my CO. When we're in the field, I'm supposed to take your lead and watch your back"  He paused and put his hands on his hips.  "And I am watching your back, and everything else."

_Wait, what did he say?_

 

* * *

 

"It's unprofessional."  

It wasn't the declaration he'd intended.   It was true, of course, his heart and his brain were hardly the only body parts that though she was magnificent.  Probably not the best way to start this.

"I didn't know I looked so good in uniform."

Surprised that she didn't just punch him in the jaw, he took that as the go ahead to blunder on.  "I didn't know anyone could make 32 kilos of reinforced durasteel look good, but you manage."

She looked amused, but didn't say anything.

"Look, I don't know if this--" he paused, forever in his head but just a heartbeat to his ears, "--thing between us can go anywhere, and you are still my CO.  If I go too far or cross a line..."

 

* * *

 

She watched as he told her he was attracted to her and then immediately tried to get out of it under the guise of regulations.

Szary gave enough to the Republic military.  She did her duty. They couldn't have this.

"What you need," she said, interrupting him as he tried to backpedal away.  "Is a woman who will put up with you."

She grabbed the ridge of metal at the neck of his armor and dragged him toward her, doing what she'd wanted to do for longer than she was willing to admit.

She kissed him.  He kissed her  back.

She'd never kissed a Cathar before, and it was different but not as different as she expected.  He had silky short fur instead of soft skin and his teeth were sharper, but he was gentle as a kitten even when she slipped her tongue in his mouth.

 

* * *

 

"Whoa," Aric said when she finally let loose and took a step back.  She stood there, her lips pink and moist and smiling and his heart hammering in his chest and the rest of his body feeling a bit like he'd been hit with 200 volts of electricity.  "Well."  

He cleared his throat.  She kissed him and it was amazing.  He was right; he really never was going to be the same again.

"For the record," he said, a smile creeping on to his usually dour face.  "You kiss like most people punch."

She was still smiling at him, one hand on her hip, looking up at him all coy and as subtle as a kick upside the head.  

_By all that was good and right in the galaxy, he adored her._


	5. Chapter 5

Making love to her was an overwhelming experience.

Aric liked sex; hell, who didn’t? But sometimes the complications just weren’t worth it.  Afterwards he’d have to try to act like everything was normal and it never quite was, no matter what plan he’d go into it with.  Usually, it was no strings, no distractions.

The very last thing they needed here was a distraction. 

And  _ distraction _ didn’t even begin to cover it.  He was a wreck.  Yet afterwards, with Szary curled up in his arms, he realized it didn’t matter.  This was a complication he wanted.  He knew things would never be the same again.  If he was a religious man, he would have prayed to any god in listening range to thank them for making a complete and utter mess of his life.

He had plans and they’d gone right to hell.  He’d never been more grateful.

* * *

 

She didn’t feel safe often.  It wasn’t even part of her program.  She was the one who made other people feel safe.  It was the job.  She signed up for it.  

But here, with Aric, she didn’t just feel safe.  She  _ knew _ she was safe.

It wasn’t that sort of safe that would make a civvy feel good, she knew.  At any minute an Imp destroyer could drop out of hyperspace and blow them to pieces.  It came with the territory.  But even if it did, she would die without regrets.  Her heart was safe with him.  She could feel it right down into the marrow of her bones.  Whatever happened, it would be okay.

She rubbed her cheek against his chest, the soft fur was the most amazing sensation she’d ever felt.  Almost.  The sex was pretty goddamn incredible.  Hard to really follow that sort of thing up.  She was certain he’d ruined her for human men.

Didn’t matter.  He was all she needed.

* * *

 

He asked her to marry him.  She said yes; she made him laugh and frustrated him and he’d never been happier.

They killed Rakton.  They fought Revan.  It felt like they were invincible, even when the Force users looked nervous.  Aric dealt in concrete reality, in things he could touch and see and shoot at.  They won.  Good enough.

Aric married Szary on Coruscant wearing their dress uniforms. There was no time for a vacation.  Didn’t matter.  She was his wife and that was all that.  Whatever came, he could handle it, as long as they were together.   

Then they lost Ziost. They were all pretty rattled.  

Then, he lost her.

He fought, bled, burned his fingers to blisters on the barrel of his rifle.  He held out hope that she was still alive even after Marr’s ship was blown to bits.  He fought the idea that she was dead with the same passion that he did everything else.  His superiors weren’t happy but they could fuck off.

She couldn’t be gone.   Not her.


	6. Chapter 6

She dreamt that Aric was dead.

She saw his body lying in the dirt at her feet, the looming translucent phantom of Valkorion gloating over her shoulder.  She knew it was a nightmare but it didn’t make it easier to see. Her lungs hurt.  Szary could feel herself dying by inches.

If Aric really was dead, maybe it didn’t matter.   She knew it did.  She didn’t let the thought linger.  Giving up never did anyone any good.  Being a mewling cry baby never won a battle.    

This asshole was in  _ her _ head; she was going to make the rules.  She didn’t believe in all that destiny crap, but she didn’t entirely believe in coincidence either.  She also knew this bastard was the biggest liar in the galaxy.  It only stood to reason that if he told her Aric was dead and that love faded away, both were untrue.

Maybe she was a slab of meat in a carbonite prison.  Maybe she was poisoned and dying and had the ghost of the Sith Emperor in her head.  Maybe she was in a totally unwinnable position. 

_Fuck that._  

She’d done the impossible more than once.  She could do it again.

* * *

 

Five years.

Aric did what had to be done but it wasn’t until they threatened to strip him of his commission that he finally gave in.  He still didn’t really believe she was dead, not all the time.  Sometimes, it was hard to hold on, but he did his best.  She would have wanted him to continue, he knew it to his core.  So he took her place leading Havoc Squad as best he could.  He didn’t let himself not feel up to filling those shoes.  He wasn’t the only one who was going to miss her.  He did what he could.  Tactics, battle plans.  He had this.

He was fine with a gun in his hands.  Nighttime hurt.  Aric tried to sleep, but there was a knife behind his ribs he couldn't pull out.  He knew fighting tired made him stupid but what could he do when sleep just wouldn’t come?  

He didn’t want her to be dead, but hoping hadn’t brought her back.  He’d never stop loving her as long as he lived but that wasn't changing anything.  There wasn’t anyone he could ever imagine taking her place.  Not in five years or five hundred.  He was still doing his job but if someone suggested he needed to move on they were going to get a boot in the ass.

Sometimes, he’d stare up at the sky and watch the dark of night fade slowly into dawn. If he was lucky, the early morning skies would be the same pale grey as her eyes.  He could imagine she was still watching his back.

That’s what the Jedi believed, wasn't it?  And what was it they said?  _ There is no death, only the Force. _  He hoped it applied to soldiers too.  

It gave him a little comfort anyway.

* * *

 

Lana was the first thing she saw when she woke.  Szary was mildly disappointed that it wasn’t all just a shitty dream.  But Sith or not, Lana was tough as hell.  If anyone would be crazy enough to rescue her, it only made sense it would be her.

She still didn’t trust Lana entirely, not even after she managed to save both their asses, but there were very few people she did.  One really.  L ana didn’t know where that person was.  She didn't know if he was alive or dead.  

Szary did what she did best.  She tried to ignore the old man in her head and she pushed forward.  She kicked all the asses that needed kicking, put bullets in more of those fucking skytrooper droids than she imagined possible.  She found a letter from Aric.

It was old.  Only a few months after the battle where both she and Marr had been captured.  She was glad to be alone when she read it.  He wasn’t one for romantic gestures.  It wasn’t his nature.  That was ok, she wasn’t that kind of girl.  Those moments of raw, honest emotions were more important to her than flowers or empty platitudes.  This was one of those.

_ Please come back to us. _

Please Aric, don’t be dead.  

* * *

 

Jonas dropped a big juicy bit of intel in his lap, despite knowing that it could mean both their heads.  Not that it mattered much at this point.  Aric was done.  What was left of the Republic government was a farce and he wasn’t going to take it anymore.  His Havoc, built on the bones of the one that came before, stood behind him even as he dragged them into Wild Space to start his own private war.

These sons of bitches took Szary from him; they weren’t getting away with it.  He knew he couldn’t take them down on his own, but he was going to do as much damage as he could.  He heard rumors, whispers of an alliance forming.  Made of Republic and Imps, willing to put aside their own bullshit for the greater good.  He never thought he’s see the day where that seemed like a good idea, but neither of them were going to manage it alone, that much was clear.

When he got a message to come to Zakuul itself to meet with them, he knew he’d be a fool not to take the chance.  If he was going to get his shot at doing what Jonas suggested, it was going to take a lot more boots.  If this Alliance had boots, he’d take them.

He saw the shuttle land and knew the enemy did too.  He waited, hidden in the brush, watching the approach through the scope of his rifle.   Aric heard footsteps, clicked his finger against the dials, focusing the lenses.  Two bodies came into his sights.  He focused.  The woman's armor was new but the implant above her eyebrow was scuffed.  She had the most beautiful pale grey eyes he’d ever seen.

_ Holy shit. _

“Is that really you?”   


	7. Chapter 7

They both held it together pretty well.  She supposed that was to be expected.  Keeping their heads in stressful situations what made them both good soldiers.  But his voice still broke and she held him a little too long and didn’t care that they had an audience.

“Later, in private,” was the best he could manage.   It felt like her heart might explode.

They fell back into a rhythm so easily it was like they’d never been apart.  They headed off into the swamp.  She had point; he had her back.

_And everything else._

Just like old times.

 

* * *

 

It was too good to be true but it was real.  She was here.  He could defeat the Eternal Empire all by himself.

 

* * *

 

Aric sent Havoc Squad to bed like a batch of unruly teenagers.  He’d be a great dad.

He poured his heart out to her, as much as he ever did.  She knew it was a lot worse than he let on.  She could hardly imagine what he’d been through.  She knew it had been five years, even if it only felt like a few months to her.  She wouldn’t have blamed him if he moved on.  She was dead after all.

“At least we’ll sleep better tonight,” she said, suddenly wanting to pull away.  This wasn’t fair.  She couldn’t just walk back into his life.  What sort of person did that?

Aric took her in his arms instead.  “Eventually.”  He smirked.  She frowned.

“Are you sure?”

He blinked.  “What?”

She didn’t shrink away, looked him in the eyes, tried not to want to stay there in the circle of his arms so badly.  “It’s been a long time, for you.  Longer than we knew each other.  I wouldn’t-”

“Could have been fifty years.  I’d still be sure.”

She pressed up against him instead of pulling away.  The momentary hesitation washed away.  “You’d be pretty old,” she snarked.  “But I think I could make do.”

 

* * *

 

Aric laughed.  Then he kissed her.  He was pretty damn sure he was never letting her out of his sight again.  He wasn’t really into public displays of anything, but he was going to need to get her back to his tent in short order or the entire camp was going to get an eyeful.

Now that he was over the initial shock (and feeling smug as hell for holding out hope for so long) he was reminded vividly that it had been five fucking years since he’d touched his wife.  The last time was in hyperspace on way to meet Darth Marr’s flagship.  At the time he thought it was a terrible idea.

He told her so, but he wasn’t going to rub that in.

He had other things he wanted to rub on her.

“Tent,” he said.  “Now.”

She laughed.  “Good to know you missed me.”

They got a couple knowing looks.  Those people had no idea.

They were compatible on the field for sure.  The way they fought complemented one another.  They were practically an unstoppable force.  In tactics, in planning, they nearly always agreed on the big picture, even if they quibbled on the details from time to time.  

Their ‘I told you so’ ratio was about 50/50.  It worked out.

They wanted the same things out of life, had the same hopes and dream and wishes.  Everything about being with her made him glad to be alive. Not to mention all that compatibility was just as good in the bedroom.  Better maybe.  He’d never experienced anything like it, that was for sure.

He’d had lovers before her; a few Cathar, a few humans but nothing prepared him for Szary.  The other human women he’d been with were into the novelty of it, but ultimately seemed a little put off.  He’d spent enough time in the field to be well aware of the anatomical differences between Cathar and humans.  Women were pretty close, once you got past the skin.  Men were a bit more varied.  It wasn’t anything significant, but enough.

She said she’d never been with a Cathar before but she was a quick learner.

She never gave the impression their differences bothered her; never seemed anything but completely invested.

He closed the flap of the tent behind them.  He was completely invested too.


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn’t going to be as comfortable as their bed on the ship, but it would do.

Szary had spent plenty of nights in a tent and they were always better than bivouacking out in the open.  At least she wouldn’t wake up wet from dew and gods knew what else.  Besides, he was here.  She’d almost lost hope that Aric was still alive, but here he was and they were finally together again.

It was surreal, standing in here together, taking off their armor like they had so many times before.  His armor was new.  Each piece of his armor revealed more of his body underneath.  He looked different too; thinner, harder, more contained somehow.  

It was still him though.  It would always be him for her. 

The first time they were together it was a marvel.  She’d never been with a Cathar before.  She never even thought about it, though she hadn’t had any feelings against it either.  She fought alongside plenty of them in her early years in the military, men and women.  Some were handsome, some weren’t. But love and sex were the last thing on her mind for a long time.

And this was _Aric._  He wasn’t just a Cathar.  This wasn’t just some sexual experiment, not even the first time.  She was in love with him long before she peeled him out of his armor.  She didn’t see a different body or fur or any of the other things that set them apart.  She just saw the man she loved.  Everything about him made her blood hot.

She loved the feeling of his short, soft fur against her fingertips.  She loved the long sleek lines of his body, the way the tawny fur highlighted each delineation.  She reached out to touch him.  She ran her hand along his now exposed back, along the valley between his shoulder blades down to the base of his spine.  

He chuckled and slid his pants down. She couldn’t help but slide her hand lower over the curve of his ass.  The hard musculature underneath slid against her palm.  She could almost feel him smirking.  He used to be amused by her fascination with him.

Aric straightened up and kicked his pants off.  She watched his hamstrings contract as he did it.  Her cheeks felt hot.  His grin was as smug as she expected when he glanced back at her over his shoulder.

That smile made her heart flutter.

 

* * *

 

That got her attention.  A little nudity undid all that heavy ponderous crap that was threatening to drown them both.  He liked to travel light. Both emotionally and physically and the last five years he’d been carrying a lot of baggage.  He tried to set it down more times than he wanted to admit to.  But something kept him hanging on, even when logic told him it was crazy.

And now she was right here.  No more baggage, at least none he wanted to let go of.

Aric turned around slow and felt uncomfortable, like it was the first time all over again.  He tried to throttle it down.  That discomfort was all in his head.  It was remnants from past lovers who were intrigued and surprised by his Cathar body.  Of all the times to be self conscious, this seemed the most ridiculous.

Five years was a long time to sleep alone.  She might have been asleep but he was awake for all of it.

His chest felt too small for it's contents.  She flung her armor haphazardly to the ground, left in thin faded tank top and skivvies.  He didn’t get as good a look as he would have liked because before he could compose himself, she pressed herself up against him.  

She kissed him; he felt her thighs against his.  She rubbed her cheek against his.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”  His own voice sounded strange in his ears.  Too low, a little unsteady.  She heard it too and held him closer but said nothing.  

She didn’t ask if he was okay. He wasn’t. Neither was she; how could they be?  But they were together and he was touching her.... Why the hell was he whining about all this bullshit?

Aric slid his hands lower and cupped her ass.  She thought her backside was too big and he thought it was magnificent.  He pulled her tight, grinding his erection against her. 

 

* * *

 

She could feel his trepidation.

She understood.  She felt the same way; weird uneasy hesitation, like she forgot how to be comfortable.  But he was out of his pants and that was a step in the right direction.

She wanted him.  She had for a long time.

One moment he was just another soldier and then in a heartbeat all her nerves fired whenever she got close to him.  She didn’t question why, not back then.   He was a goddamn decent person.  He loved her and she loved him and right now she wanted to set all that important stuff down and just fuck his brains out.

Maybe nature didn’t build her body and his to work together, but somehow, it was perfect anyway. She squealed when he rubbed himself against her but she tried to swallow the sound on instinct.  She knew how to screw where there weren’t walls to muffle the sound.  But he wasn’t making it easy.

The length of his erection was pressed between them.  Just like the rest of him, long, lean, powerful.  She loved his cock.  That dark, flushed skin, ridiculously soft and slightly moist.  Series of ridges and bumps in absolutely all the right places along the length of his shaft. And best of all that smooth tapered head with it's broad base that made her forgot how to think.

She loved everything about him.

She grabbed his arm, dragged them back and tumbled him down on top of her.  The tiny cot creaked under their combined weight.  Somehow, she managed to get her panties off.  She wasn't entirely sure how she managed it.

She wondered if Valkorion saw everything she did, camped out like he was in her head like some fucking vagrant. She almost laughed. They were going to give him one hell of a show.

Aric braced himself on his elbow, looking down at her. His free hand grazed up her side, folding back the stretchy fabric of her undershirt.  He got the shirt just to the bottom of her breasts before he spotted it.  The still raw scar when Arcann’s lightsaber skewered her was a raised pink circle on the tan of her skin.  

His beautiful green gold eyes glittered at her.

“It’s been a hard few months,” she said.

 

* * *

 

That scar was new and it scared him more than a little. It was right below her sternum which he already knew wasn’t the original.  It didn’t matter that not all her parts were organic, but that didn’t mean he wanted her to suffer enough to need metal widgets.  The edges of the scar looked burnt.  

He wanted to know what happened.  But he wanted to make sure they were both alive and this wasn’t another nightmare where she was going to disappear out of his arms at the last moment.  He ignored that nagging, questioning voice in the back of his head. He ignored all the other bullshit and the war raging all around them.  

He kissed his wife.  He felt her hips angle up against him and that low sound in the back of her throat.  He sunk inside her and it felt like time stopped and went back to their first time.   _The second time. Their wedding day._

She was still here.  

Pleasure, more than just the physical sensation washed over him.  He felt his fur bristling along his spine, tears pricked in his eyes.  He buried his face in her neck.  Her arms were holding him tight.  Neither of them moved save for the frantic counterpoint of their heartbeats.  Ragged breathing.  His head swam.

He wanted to say something, wanted to tell her, but there weren’t words.  All the grief of the last five years choked him.  They never talked about it; all these hard, passionate, life shattering emotions. They didn’t talk about how inexplicable it was that they found each other _twice_ amidst all this chaos.

Aric knew.  He knew Szary knew it too.

They were in this together.  Now, they could do anything.


End file.
